Communication: One of the Most Important Things

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Communication is one of the biggest struggles in any relationship because people do not communicate the same way. There are a lot of components that go into being an effective communicator and even if you have mastered those, chances are good that communication is still a problem in some relationships.

Different communication styles are what causes the problems in most cases.  The differences in expression and types of expression are usually the catalyst in a breakdown of communication. 

One important rule that you should know is that starting a sentence, any sentence with the word, "YOU' is not good practice. The reason this causes so many problems is the person whom you are speaking to may automatically go into self defense mode when you begin a sentence with the word you. It's good practice to teach yourself to refrain from beginning a sentence with this word regardless of what the rest of the sentence is. 

When someone is speaking to you, regardless of what they are saying, just listen until they are finished speaking. Do not interrupt, even if you feel that you need to defend something, do not speak until the other person is finished and make sure to listen to everything they say because if you decide what they are going to say instead of listening, you may go into defense mode prematurely and end up causing a bigger  problem. 

By listening to someone until they are finished speaking, you are sure to hear all of the words before you form a conclusion avoiding negatives. You are also showing respect to the person who is speaking which often can make the difference between good communication and a negative situation.  

Make sure that the time and place is appropriate for the things you want to express to someone. If it's a sensitive issue pay close attention to time and place before proceeding.

We all know if we are decent communicators or not and if you are on the weaker side for communication skills, keep this in mind and try to avoid communicating certain feelings or thoughts until you are confident that it will be expressed the way you intend.

If you are unsure, a good rule is to say it to yourself first, before making the decision to actually speak it to someone else.

If you are going to have a potentially difficult conversation with someone, make sure that you have the confidence to approach the situation with a solution in mind and do not stop mid way through and leave it and the other person hanging.  If you are going to discuss something that may be difficult have the mindset before hand that a resolution can be found and executed for a situation before you attempt to have this conversation.

When you assume it may end up biting you in the ass because often times, you will assume incorrectly. It's always the safest and best route to wait until someone is done speaking and if there is something you are tempted to assume, stop yourself and simply ask for clarity. Do not respond to something unless you are 100% confident that you understand what some one has said.

If you want to have an in depth conversation about something, do not ask in advance, don't send a text message or say in passing, "I need to talk to you later."

This may create unnecessary stress on the other person and make sure when you start to have the conversation that it's a good time to do so. 

One of the most important aspects of developing confidence in your ability to express yourself is how to communicate effectively. When approaching difficult conversations, the following 3 communication techniques will help you communicate clearly and delicately. Using these techniques in daily life will have the added benefit of improving your relationships.

Make “I” statements.

Making “I” statements means focusing on your own feelings while taking responsibility for your part. It means NOT accusing the other party or directly naming their behavior. Make it about you. Instead of saying “You ignore me when I talk,” rephrase it as an “I” statement. “Sometimes when I’m talking I feel like you aren’t listening to me.” This is important because it minimizes people getting defensive because they do not feel that you are attacking them.

It's best to write this out

So ask yourself, what behaviors do you need to address that the other party did?

How can you phrase these as “I” statements?

Instead of generalizing with always or never, which just makes people defensive and it wont lead to anything productive.

Try using less reactive words such as:

 When: identify a specific incident or example that you are referring to

What: clearly identify the other person’s behavior

How:  use an “I” statement to express how it made you feel or impacted you

Being specific will make the person feel like you are not judging their whole character, but rather looking at a specific behavior